I find it difficult to be vulnerable and here’s why…

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These past couple of days, I’ve been trying to build a morning routine, which consists of a simple set of activities. I put the morning routine on Trello, one of the new productivity apps I’m crazy about. I can write a lot about Trello or about this morning routine, but let’s reserve that for future posts, shall we?

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What I’d like to highlight, though, is the bits on Meditation and writing on my journal. Keeping silent and meditating for 5-10 minutes daily had been helpful so far. It’s helping me be more focused and mindful of the things I need to do. Couple that with the practice of writing on a journal and I become better at thinking through my goals, my frustrations, and even the source of my frustrations and personal issues.

It’s also helping me be more vulnerable.

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image credit: jiuck via Flickr

 

Vulnerability. It’s a scary word. And when I try it, even on the pages of my journal, I run into a blank, thick wall inside my mind. The words won’t flow and I hesitate to proceed. I have a suspicion where this hesitation comes from.

You see, I am a Preachers’ Kid (PK). Both of my parents are pastors in our denomination. Growing up as a PK, most people look at us and expect to see a halo over our heads and wings folded behind our backs. That is to say, that they expect us to display the BEST behavior ALWAYS! It’s as if we don’t have any right at all to do what normal kids do–get naughty and boisterous.

With that setting, I learned to always put my best foot forward, burying my flaws, while fearing that when people discover my deepest, darkest, secrets, people will shun me and they will blame my parents for being bad pastors and parents.

I’m doing way better now. I have come to terms with my PK upbringing, but every now and then the fear to be vulnerable rears its ugly head and I tend to erect my barriers quickly.

Then, I heard about Brene Brown’s TED Talk while listening to the On Being Podcast with Krista Tippett. “Courage is borne out of vulnerability, not strength.”

Here’s the TED Talk of Brene Brown where she talks about the importance of vulnerability.

That is such a powerful affirmation for a writer. To get a story, an anecdote, and simple thoughts on paper, we risk vulnerability. We risk being misunderstood. We risk being judged. The cynical me could always say “I’m used to that!” In lighter moments, I could also say “I have a reputation to keep”, you know, being suplado and all that. But even while saying that, the hesitation to write, to be vulnerable is always there.

Being vulnerable is definitely difficult, but the path to courage lies there. This is the reason why I’m reviving this blog so I could post more personal rants and reflections beyond the stuff I usually write in my books and at PinoyYuppie.com and PinoyYouth.org

2 Comments I find it difficult to be vulnerable and here’s why…

  1. Jairus Avecilla

    I want to ask Kuya. What does the saying “If you can’t measure it, it doesn’t exist.”?
    May it affect the way see the Divine?

    Thanks for the response. 🙂

    Reply
    1. Mighty Rasing

      Hi Jairus, “If you cannot measure it, it does not exist.”

      I think this phrase came from hardcore scientists and social scientists who want to measure things. Gusto nila may metrics and data ang mga bagay-bagay. And if they cannot have that data, it does not exist. Parang you have to prove it through the measurements and metrics that you decide on.

      In relation sa TED talk ni Brene Brown, she started it as a way to highlight her career as a researcher. So ang research niya is how to measure ‘shame’, which eventually led her to the research on vulnerability. 🙂 hope that helps.

      Reply

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